Over the last few weeks I've learned more than I ever wanted to know about endometrial cancer. I was diagnosed Monday, February 4th. It seems I have some symptoms that may indicate metastases. I have an appointment with the Gynecologic Oncologist this Monday, the 18th of February.
I've told my children that I will have the total hysterectomy and possibly the radiation if I need it, but I won't have chemotherapy. I'm afraid that would dramatically decrease my quality of life. However, with what I've discovered about radiation, I'm now unsure if I want to go through that either. Of course, when the staging of the cancer is done we may find that it's only stage one which means that the surgery will completely take care of the tumor/tumors and I'll be fine. Endometrial cancer does come back but I'll cross that bridge when/if it happens.
I fear that my depression is returning. I've been so emotional the last few days and I'd been doing so much better since beginning the Cymbalta. I suppose a little depression and anxiety would be normal. I'm not very good at knowing what's normal but this is a no-brainer.
I'm not frightened about having cancer and I'm not even concerned about dying. What scares me the most is the procedures and treatments that I'm still facing. Dying is easy...living is hard. St. Paul the Apostle, in the Bible says, "To live is Christ, to die is gain". And I've believed that most of my life. And I'm a big baby when it comes to serious pain.
Having cancer is strange. It doesn't feel real. Yesterday I said out loud, "I have cancer." It sounded so weird No one on my mother's side of the family has had cancer. Of course, I have no idea about my father's family. Waiting is the hardest. I had to wait over a month for my appointment with the OB/GYN, then another week to have the biopsy and now I'm waiting another 10 days for my appointment with the Oncologist.
So anyway, there you have it. The latest drama in my drama-filled life. Just to be clear, I'm trusting in God and believing that whatever happens, I'm in His hands. He has always taken care of me and with His perfect love, He will sustain me.